This post may be a bit too personal but, hey it’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive since June and I’ve been off birth control for a year now. Now when I say trying, it’s as often as we can, since a lot of the time he has been… well… under water. I’ve been told by countless people to try not to stress/worry about it because it can deter getting pregnant, and I try not to, but that’s like telling someone, “Don’t think about elephants.” and what is the first thing you think of? ELEPHANTS!!! I can’t help but worry is something wrong.
The one fear I have is not being able to have my own children. I’m not afraid of spiders, heights, flying, snakes, water, anything any normal person might have a fear of. Hell, I’m not even afraid of death.
And I know… there is always adoption. And if it comes to that I’d be happy to adopt. I just want a child that looks like me and my husband. I want a little boy who has his eyes and smile, my laugh and crooked nose. I want to be able to experience the kicking and nudging of my own little one during pregnancy.
Recently I found out that several wives attached to our command are pregnant. I’m not mad at them… how could I be? But I am mad. Again, not at them. Just in general. I can’t help it.
All of them are young. I’m not saying, I’m old, because I’m not. But I am going to be 29 next month and it is harder the older you get to conceive… I just hope it happens. I know when it does, it will mean so much more to us, because we have been trying… but every time dear ol’ Aunt Flow arrives, I get so frustrated… I don’t know what else to say… I’m just hoping.
For now, I’ll just try not to stress, as much as I can. And wait for hubs to get home so we can continue trying… and trying…. and trying…